Sometimes, I am wondering, WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE YOURSELF AT TIMES?

So, when is the time that I am always myself?

Sometimes, you accommodate, you compromise, you accept and you smile just because that someone is very important to you. Does that mean that you are not yourself? I am not sure, but I always am wondering when am I myself? When I am all alone in the house? When I go shopping alone? When I watch the romantic movie alone?

Why am I only at myself when I am all alone?

Funny it seems, probably I am thinking too much these holidays.

On a lighter note, I had a SURPRISE! Pleasant one though.

The Five Most Memorable Times spent with Little Timmy,

1. The other time as I was riding Little Timmy down to Rochor. My slipper slipped off while I was moving off from the traffic lights. So, I had to kick my gear with my bare foot. Stopped by the road side and Mui Tiang had to run to collect it back for me. Luckily no car went over it. INDEED MEMORABLE.

2. As I was heading for school, the foot brake got loosen and I could not step on it. Was so terrified. Couldn’t stop in time for the red lights and stop half way through the junction. INDEED MEMORABLE.

3. The story of Little Timmy began when Dinosaur bought this bike; my virgin pillion ride. We rode passed Changi Village, Esplande, Thomson Road, Orchard Road and Singapore Polytechnic. Stopped along expressway during the wet days and wore sexy sunglasses during hot days. INDEED MEMORABLE.

4. Nearly died when I was making a line change along Bukit Batok Road. A big truck was behind yet I still wanted to squeeze through. Big truck horned super loud that everyone looked at me. INDEED MEMORABLE.

5. My first bike accident at Toh Tuck Road. Was heading for school when a car suddenly turned without checking his blind spot. Little Timmy was scratched that I had to change his paint work. Regretted for the rest of my days with him. Was safe and sound; not even a single bruised. I think Little Timmy protected me. INDEED MEMORABLE.

So, tell me, how can I bear to leave Little Timmy?

幸福是什么？
幸福是圆的还是扁的？

手上拿的是圆的，心里想的是扁的就不是幸福了。
手上拿的是扁的，心里想的是圆的就不是幸福了。

所以，不管是圆的还是扁的，
手上拿的是圆的，心里想的是圆的，
就是幸福了。

有的时候我们就是想太多了。

对不起，我现在才懂。

Oranges

Gary Soto from A Fire in my Hands

The first time I walked
With a girl, I was twelve,
Cold, and weighted down
With two oranges in my jacket.
December. Frost cracking
Beneath my steps, my breath
Before me, then gone,
As I walked toward
Her house, the ones whose
Porch light burned yellow
Night and day, in any weather.
A dog barked at me, until
She came out pulling
At her gloves, face bright
With rouge, I smiled,
Touched her shoulder, and led
Her down the street, across
A used car lot and a line
Of newly planted trees,
Until we breathing
Before a drugstore.

Finally….

14 more days to mark. Its going to be the HOLIDAYS for me. WHOO HOO! To be exact, its only four more school days left. But its going to be a hectic one. With two more assignments undone. Filming and planning; its getting crazy!

And thinking of next year’s curriculum makes me want to vomit. Maybe I shouldn’t be worrying for the future, at least not for now.

Oh yes, I want to go overseas and plan a nice holiday. The sad thing is that the tickets to the places I wished to go are real expensive. Moreover, I do not have much spare cash with me now. All thanks to the 1400RM in my drawer. Hehehe! I’ll probably think about it when I have the time. As for now, I am trying my very best to stay focus.

On a lighter note, one presentation down today. Craziness got into the class when we needed to burst the balloon so that we can dispose it. So we all got cranky and crazy (okie, maybe its just ME).

Have you ever eat till you want to vomit?

I experienced it today! And its really awful.

You see, I had lunch at Ion this noon with Joanna. Wonderful ToriQ rice with chicken balls. So, when I reached Ee Shuen’s house, his mother filled my entire plate with rice, sotong (Sorry, not a big fan), broccoli (I love it, it looks like fireworks), fish otah, fried cucumber and one big bowl of soup.

I have to force myself to finish the enter bowl of rice and I almost cried. BUT SERIOUSLY, I am really thankful that they prepared dinner for me. Still, I nearly vomited (which it would be a serious disaster if it happened).

So now, I have this huge stomach that seemed to be swelling forever. I think my resolution for tomorrow is not to have lunch. I need to get the swelling stomach into a flat pancake.

Oh yes, I am glad I went shopping today. It was afterall, retail therapy….

Yesterday was Deepavali which also meant no lesson.

I seize this opportunity to bring Kimpo out. Thanks for bringing us around. I thought it would be nice to own a car and we could have more dinners together. Oh well, men are always greedy.

We went to Little India on Deepavali and passed by Chinatown. I wished I had a camera with me but I only managed to snap with my LG Renoir.

Its nice to have Saturday spent like this.

The day is always nice when you have a good read,

Something I really thought its meaningful.

The Little Boy and The Old Man

by Shel Silverstein

(from A Light in the Attic, 1981)

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that too.”
The Little Boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
“I do that too, ” laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all, ” said the boy, “it seems grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
“I know what you mean,” said the little old man.